For about the last 2 years I've been dating someone in an off and on kind of situation. When we met there was no expectations because I was fresh out of a breakup and couldn't see myself jumping right back in. We took things slow and a beautiful friendship formed. As it sometimes happens, feelings began to develop but neither of us were really sure about where to take things. There was a possibility of him moving across the country and even I wasn't sure about setting my roots in Chicago. Lately I felt like things were finally getting a little more serious but that wasn't a sentiment he shared. On Thursday he accompanied me to the event and things sort of came to a boil. It became obvious that he and I clearly weren't on the same page and that pretty much ended things.
I would love to hate him, my anger reached a level I previously didn't know was possible. But then something clicked. I began to realize that I had nothing to worry about, he wasn't the right person and it definitely wasn't the right time. At least not for what I thought I wanted. Throughout our time together he pushed me, encouraged me, supported me, but more than anything he gave me the space to just simply be me. I was truly able to flourish knowing that someone loved me just the way I was. The uncertainty of our future forced me out of my comfort zone and made me face some tough realities. As much as hurt to admit to myself, I had to come to terms with the fact that he was meant to be in my life just for a short time to help me realize my potential but he wasn't meant to be along for the long haul.
In the wake of this realization I decided to do something to remind myself who I am and what I want. I sat down and wrote a list of all the things that make me unique and wonderful. Here is my list of affirmations, in no particular order, that by the end of finishing I felt so wonderful it didn't matter that I had lost a friend I thought I couldn't live without.
I felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders as I typed the last word on that list. I was finally honest with myself about who I am and what I'm truly looking for.